Polyamory is the practice, desire or acceptance of having more than one intimate sexual relationship at a time with the consent of everyone involved. Polyamory is a widely spreading philosophical view on relationships that now sees 500,000 polyamorous relationships in the United States, as of July, 2009.
Polyamory is stated to be distinguished from forms of non-monogamy as an ideology that openness, goodwill, honesty, communication and ethical behaviour should prevail among all the parties involved. In reality, I don’t feel this is really the case as many monogamous couples find it hard to hold trust and openness between their relationships, to stop jealousy coming into the picture, so how can a relationship with more than 2 individuals not feel the strain of mistrust and dishonesty. Not only that fact of chaotic jealousy and mistrust, there is a big fact included in the relationship that many people don’t think about; children. Would growing up with parents in a polyamorous relationship change the way in which a child’s views and morals develop growing up? And there is also the fact that whoever is involved in the relationship, in some ways, has to share their lover with his/her other partners. I don’t see how this can be in any way a natural, loving environment for people. Knowing that your girlfriend has a husband and kids but comes to see you here and there for something different? I don’t see that as a relationship, I see it as a way of finding something more interesting in life than the normal family situation.
I feel that the whole idea of polyamorous relationships are just a way in which individuals are able to have other lovers, and find different things from different people, to spice up their own lives without it being wrong or “cheating”. I think it is a joke and a mockery. Having a commitment to a husband or wife, and then commitments to other partners outside of the marriage can surely not be an environment of love, peace and happiness, but a recipe for trouble, jealousy and stress. People of the polyamorous view also state there is a rejection of jealousy and possessiveness in the relationships, but this is not necessarily found in every situation. How could you put your utter most trust into somebody you say you love, if they are out there experiencing the same thing with one or maybe a few other people. Imagine having a boyfriend outside your marriage, which you are trusting and open with (as people of polyamorous relationships state) and that you love, but he is out every second night with another few girls in which he also loves and trusts. I don’t see how this person could not be somewhat jealous of this person they “love” having the same relationship with another group of people. I also don’t see it as a lifestyle but as a phase or again, something to amuse people if they are getting bored with their somewhat “married” life. If a polyamorous relationship were to turn wrong, think of the effects on the surrounding people of the relationship. Family could be humiliated, children’s views on the way to act would be changed and society might alter the way they view the idea of the relationships due to the toll they take on who is involved. Any way you look at it, I don’t think there is a peaceful outcome for the people involved in these relationships or the people effected.
There are many symbols used around the world for the polyamorous relationships. Things such as the infinite heart symbol, the poly pride flag and the PAARC ribbon are all to represent the dedication and love for the partners of the relationship. For example on the poly pride flag, there are blue, red and black horizontal stripes and in the middle is the first letter for polyamory in Greek. The blue represents the openness and honesty among the relationships, the red for love and passion and the black for solidarity with those who must hide their relationships due to social pressures. In my view, the representations on this flag are a symbol for what the polyamorist relationships are about, but I don’t feel that in each situation they can all work out as peacefully as they make them out to be. Practically, there cannot be full openness and honesty between these relationships, there never is in any relationship, so by adding more complication with more lovers and long-time partners creates a situation where I believe there would be more dishonesty to keep everybody happy. The part of this flag I do agree with is that within the relationship there is a sense of hiding and sneakiness from those around them that wouldn’t accept the idea, therefore another reason why honesty is not always present, as they say it is.
In most countries, it is legal for three or more people to form and share a sexual relationship, however, no Western countries permit marriage between more than two people. Nor do they give strong and equal legal protection to non-married partners — the legal regime is not comparable to that applying to married couples. As I have argued before, I feel that polyamorous relationships see individuals spicing up their life and doing something interesting by seeking out other lovers to get what they aren’t getting from their marriage. By this, I don’t see how polyamorous people can argue that they would want marriages for more than three or more people to be legalized. Even though they claim they have these partners for a long-time loving commitment, not marrying them is an excuse to easily be-rid of them as quickly as they scooped them up, without the attachments of a marriage. Also, if this law was to be legalized, imagine the uproar it would create within society, changing one of the oldest traditions a human has known; to have their one true love, marry them and live happily ever, after. It would be more like find you one true love, marry them, then decide you love a few other people too.
Lastly: the factor that is most commonly forgotten when debating about a polyamorous situation; the children. People often forget the toll these relationships can have on young children, especially growing up as a teenager in which they begin to face a lot of new things in their life, whilst having to deal with the pressure of people judging them on how their parents act and on their parents views on living, with sexual partners. Wouldn’t a child living in a polyamorous relationship setting be forced to agree with the views their parents live by? They couldn’t possibly go by the rules of what their mum and dad have taught them growing up, so isn’t this developing the child into thinking that what they are doing is just the natural way of life and living? The fact is that it is not the natural way of living with relationships, it is abnormal in my eyes and not a great setting for a child growing up because again, I feel as though these relationships would cause turmoil and chaos because of the level of commitment of people involved. I don’t think these relationships should be classified as the right thing to do by setting up an environment in which children are taught that having many sexual partners, is the natural thing to do. Children are only young and of course do not understand the full extent of the situation, therefore their thoughts on the idea would not develop growing up, causing confusion on the subject and maybe social difficulties during life.
In summary, I find polyamorous relationships to be a mockery of a loving 2-person relationship by which it claims to have all the same factors, and even more openness and honesty, when really I feel that it creates more mistrust and heartache for the people involved. It is not the right environment to bring children up in and can take a massive effect on the people that are close to the individuals involved. Either way this topic is debated, there is no way in saying that every relationship is open and understanding of it’s participants, therefore I feel to be a joke and not practical to be called a lifestyle. People get married to the person they believe to be their own true love, well, traditionally. So why get married to a person, when you are going to turn around and claim you are deeply in love with several other people as well?
Polyamory is stated to be distinguished from forms of non-monogamy as an ideology that openness, goodwill, honesty, communication and ethical behaviour should prevail among all the parties involved. In reality, I don’t feel this is really the case as many monogamous couples find it hard to hold trust and openness between their relationships, to stop jealousy coming into the picture, so how can a relationship with more than 2 individuals not feel the strain of mistrust and dishonesty. Not only that fact of chaotic jealousy and mistrust, there is a big fact included in the relationship that many people don’t think about; children. Would growing up with parents in a polyamorous relationship change the way in which a child’s views and morals develop growing up? And there is also the fact that whoever is involved in the relationship, in some ways, has to share their lover with his/her other partners. I don’t see how this can be in any way a natural, loving environment for people. Knowing that your girlfriend has a husband and kids but comes to see you here and there for something different? I don’t see that as a relationship, I see it as a way of finding something more interesting in life than the normal family situation.
I feel that the whole idea of polyamorous relationships are just a way in which individuals are able to have other lovers, and find different things from different people, to spice up their own lives without it being wrong or “cheating”. I think it is a joke and a mockery. Having a commitment to a husband or wife, and then commitments to other partners outside of the marriage can surely not be an environment of love, peace and happiness, but a recipe for trouble, jealousy and stress. People of the polyamorous view also state there is a rejection of jealousy and possessiveness in the relationships, but this is not necessarily found in every situation. How could you put your utter most trust into somebody you say you love, if they are out there experiencing the same thing with one or maybe a few other people. Imagine having a boyfriend outside your marriage, which you are trusting and open with (as people of polyamorous relationships state) and that you love, but he is out every second night with another few girls in which he also loves and trusts. I don’t see how this person could not be somewhat jealous of this person they “love” having the same relationship with another group of people. I also don’t see it as a lifestyle but as a phase or again, something to amuse people if they are getting bored with their somewhat “married” life. If a polyamorous relationship were to turn wrong, think of the effects on the surrounding people of the relationship. Family could be humiliated, children’s views on the way to act would be changed and society might alter the way they view the idea of the relationships due to the toll they take on who is involved. Any way you look at it, I don’t think there is a peaceful outcome for the people involved in these relationships or the people effected.
There are many symbols used around the world for the polyamorous relationships. Things such as the infinite heart symbol, the poly pride flag and the PAARC ribbon are all to represent the dedication and love for the partners of the relationship. For example on the poly pride flag, there are blue, red and black horizontal stripes and in the middle is the first letter for polyamory in Greek. The blue represents the openness and honesty among the relationships, the red for love and passion and the black for solidarity with those who must hide their relationships due to social pressures. In my view, the representations on this flag are a symbol for what the polyamorist relationships are about, but I don’t feel that in each situation they can all work out as peacefully as they make them out to be. Practically, there cannot be full openness and honesty between these relationships, there never is in any relationship, so by adding more complication with more lovers and long-time partners creates a situation where I believe there would be more dishonesty to keep everybody happy. The part of this flag I do agree with is that within the relationship there is a sense of hiding and sneakiness from those around them that wouldn’t accept the idea, therefore another reason why honesty is not always present, as they say it is.
In most countries, it is legal for three or more people to form and share a sexual relationship, however, no Western countries permit marriage between more than two people. Nor do they give strong and equal legal protection to non-married partners — the legal regime is not comparable to that applying to married couples. As I have argued before, I feel that polyamorous relationships see individuals spicing up their life and doing something interesting by seeking out other lovers to get what they aren’t getting from their marriage. By this, I don’t see how polyamorous people can argue that they would want marriages for more than three or more people to be legalized. Even though they claim they have these partners for a long-time loving commitment, not marrying them is an excuse to easily be-rid of them as quickly as they scooped them up, without the attachments of a marriage. Also, if this law was to be legalized, imagine the uproar it would create within society, changing one of the oldest traditions a human has known; to have their one true love, marry them and live happily ever, after. It would be more like find you one true love, marry them, then decide you love a few other people too.
Lastly: the factor that is most commonly forgotten when debating about a polyamorous situation; the children. People often forget the toll these relationships can have on young children, especially growing up as a teenager in which they begin to face a lot of new things in their life, whilst having to deal with the pressure of people judging them on how their parents act and on their parents views on living, with sexual partners. Wouldn’t a child living in a polyamorous relationship setting be forced to agree with the views their parents live by? They couldn’t possibly go by the rules of what their mum and dad have taught them growing up, so isn’t this developing the child into thinking that what they are doing is just the natural way of life and living? The fact is that it is not the natural way of living with relationships, it is abnormal in my eyes and not a great setting for a child growing up because again, I feel as though these relationships would cause turmoil and chaos because of the level of commitment of people involved. I don’t think these relationships should be classified as the right thing to do by setting up an environment in which children are taught that having many sexual partners, is the natural thing to do. Children are only young and of course do not understand the full extent of the situation, therefore their thoughts on the idea would not develop growing up, causing confusion on the subject and maybe social difficulties during life.
In summary, I find polyamorous relationships to be a mockery of a loving 2-person relationship by which it claims to have all the same factors, and even more openness and honesty, when really I feel that it creates more mistrust and heartache for the people involved. It is not the right environment to bring children up in and can take a massive effect on the people that are close to the individuals involved. Either way this topic is debated, there is no way in saying that every relationship is open and understanding of it’s participants, therefore I feel to be a joke and not practical to be called a lifestyle. People get married to the person they believe to be their own true love, well, traditionally. So why get married to a person, when you are going to turn around and claim you are deeply in love with several other people as well?
No comments:
Post a Comment