Sample: Journal Essay

How do I become an active ally if I can not freely stand up for what I believe? I have had a recent lived experience that allows me to question my power as an ally and the queer unity that I once though Vancouver had. My misconceptions of Vancouver come from our guest speaker, Geoffrey, who suggested Vancouver to be a comporting, open and safe place of people within the queer community to live ‘normal lives’, free of discrimination. I do recognize that everyone have different experiences that change the way they see the world. However, Vancouver being a larger city with more acceptances for the queer population, I was devastated and felt demoralized when I experienced the reality that queer people face on a regular basis, which demonstrates, even safe environments can be demoralizing and not empowering when you are a person who experiences oppression. Through this journal I will explore the importance of understanding lived experiences as they can happen when you least expect them too because it is part of the process of discovering what I can essentially do as an ally. I will achieve this by looking at the importance of my education and its effects on my lived experiences and relate them to my values and beliefs about my role as an ally. Finally, I will link this new knowledge to my own live and interpret what that means for my future social work practice.

As a limitation of education, I need to interpret my own lived experiences as they become an part of understanding oppression and what it mean for me as I become an ally. As you may recall, my partner and I went to Vancouver to support my sister through her graduation ceremony and of course that evening we celebrated. My sister got together a number of her friends that currently live in Vancouver and we all decided to go to a bar and have a few drinks. As we are enjoying our evening in one of my sister’s favorite pubs, and throughout the night we loose her. So, one of my sister’s closest friends (Ashley), her partner and I decided to try to find her. As I was leading the three of us through the crowd, I was disturbed to hear a group of men yelling, “Wahoo! Can I get some of that?” I immediately turned around to see what these men referring too and see Ashley and her partner (Liz) making out. As the group of men kept yelling and saying intrusive comments, I was left speechless. I felt powerless and I just stood there, unable to stand up for Ashley, Liz and the sanctity of a queer relationship. Together we all walked back to the where all of our other friends where. I remember asking if it was like that all of the time for them. Liz replied “yes and because your friends with lesbians you’ll get it too”. I felt sick to my stomach as a place where I thought contributed to the collectiveness of sexual diversity in fact, demonstrated the exact opposite; oppressing people solely based on sexuality. At this point, I did not know what to do. Ashley and Liz left to attend a prior engagement (or at least that’s what I would have told my sister if I was going to get continually be ridiculed based on my sexual preference). At this point, I believe Ashley and Liz where forced to segregate because they could not hold hands, kiss or even talk the way my partner and I did. Why would many one want to be somewhere there they have too continuously fight for what they value? They were not free to share their feeling with each other as a heterosexual couple would have been able too. As this is one of my only experiences like this, I felt ashamed ally because I was just as powerless as Ashley and Liz. I thought education would have given me some power in experiences like this to stand up for what I believe, but I was lost in the moment and still trying to make sense of it now.

Furthermore, I will relate my values and beliefs about my role as an ally by looking at the importance of my education and its effects on my lived experiences. As this experience was happening and as I was standing watching these men talking about my friends I knew nothing I could have said would have hade me fell better. I physically could not say anything because I felt powerless. Thoughts raced through my heads. “Do people yell at you when your making out with your girlfriend?” When I look back on this experience I can start to see why I felt defenseless. We were out numbered, we were in a straight bar, we had been drinking, we are females and minorities. As lesbians they were social isolated because they were clearly not the ‘norm’. I felt emotionally isolated as a member of a marginalized group. What could I have possible done? Even though I still am a little ashamed that I did not do my part as an ally, I have taken this experiences and learned that I can not stand up to everyone especially if it means protecting my own safety. Furthermore, as a positive outcome for my learning is starting to further understanding what it feels like to be oppressed by putting myself in the shoes of others.

Finally, in light this new learning I can now start to make sense of my own life and what I can bring to practice. I believe education has given me the tools to stand up for what I believe, but school did not prepare me for the reality of oppression many people face. I believe I can be taught a concept or theory like Queer theory but truly not understand unless it is a hands on or lived experience. Another important aspect of education and self-awareness is knowing my own social location. As my social location defines me as white, female, heterosexual, I have never truly experienced oppression. Sometimes I do not know who I am until I have had the chance to explore my own freedom. I believe this experience opened my eyes to finally truly understanding the discrimination that queer people face continuously. If it wasn’t for my education I would have ever noticed what the groups of men were saying let alone it was done in a hurtful way. Without education I also would not have been able to notice the discriminating behaviors that are alive and well with in our society or the role that I have chosen to take to eliminate negative attitudes. In my journey as an emerging social worker, I can use education as a tool when reality hits you in the face. Education comes only as guideline for what we might deal with in the field, but what I know what I will learn hands on experience which is what unites me as an ally.

Clearly, this new knowledge has challenged my feeling, thoughts and beliefs. By experiencing isolation resulted in low self-esteem, as I was unable to stand up for my own believes and values. Furthermore, I will learn from experiences like this, as it has opened my eyes and heart to hurtfulness that devalues people as human beings. I will use this opportunity to learn how I can become a better ally, as well as what I can do in the future if this where to happen again. I can also use this experience as a learning tool for my future practice. I can share this story and my acquired learning as it is important to the understating the significant that our society is far from equality.